goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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