I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
