just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
