Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
