dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's blow job season.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
