I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
