The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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