So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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