Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
