dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
