Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
