My cat gives me a boner
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
