You work out of a Hotel?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
