We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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