I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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