can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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