I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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