Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
