he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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