i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
