didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
