My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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