you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
