addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
