Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
