I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
