the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry my hands just texted you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
