How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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