Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
