i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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