I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
