Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
