we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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