I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize