I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
