Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
