Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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