oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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