Pappa wants mamma naked
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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