physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
