think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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