i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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