Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
