I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
