how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
