Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
