I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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