Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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