he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You're like the curious george of whores
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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