Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize