Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I skipped work to stalk him.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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