i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
