Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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