I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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