Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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