looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
