What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
