what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
