I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
