So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
