Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
