Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The best revenge is premature balding
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
