My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
