he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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