If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My bed smells like the plague
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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