how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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