I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize