careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
