Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize