I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
