first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
thus making me awesome and them whores
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize