if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
